A few days ago, an old friend of mine sent a DM to me on Twitter, asking to talk about certain things that had been happening to him.
A few moments into the conversation and I could identify that he was dealing with a very low sense of his self-worth which I found rather surprising because he was one of the most creative people I have ever met.
We got talking and I was able to give him a few pointers that he later confided that he found helpful. I decided to write this because I’m sure it will help you too.
So what’s self-worth?
Simply put, your self-worth is the sense of value you attach to yourself as a person. It’s about valuing yourself intrinsically – that means it’s not based about external things.
You know you have a high level of self-worth when you have a good opinion about yourself and your abilities. Having positive self-worth will help you build your confidence because you have a good idea of the things you bring to the table and that can make all the difference in how people see you.
In my opinion, we struggle with knowing our self-worth when we don’t pay attention to the things that make us us, and focus on the things that others have that we don’t have. I used to be that way too.
Back in high school, I used to wish I was as tall as some of my other friends, but somehow I realized that I may not have been blessed vertically, but there were certain things I had that made me awesome, and I learnt to focus on them and develop them.
I’ll share 4 simple things that you can practice to help you improve your self-worth and gain a more accurate perception of yourself.
1. Stop looking at other people or things to validate you.
External things like your financial status, relationship, social media following, or your university degree should not be the source of your validation. If you recognize that you are awesome outside of those things, you will feel more secure in yourself and stop being consumed by the thought of what will become of you if you lose them.
2. Stop comparing yourself with others.
The truth is there’s always someone who is going to be richer, finer, and probably smarter than you. And that’s fine. Their beauty doesn’t invalidate yours, neither does their wisdom make you foolish. It just makes them, them, and what you have makes you, you. So stop being overwhelmed by that.
3. Stop allowing your weaknesses to define you.
We always feel like there is something we don’t have, and that having it will bring us more happiness or make us perfect. But that’s false.
In reality, chasing after it won’t bring you happiness, recognizing that you’re still amazing even without it will help you be happy and enjoy it when you eventually have it. (Replace it with whatever you’re currently chasing.)
You’re not less of a person because you don’t have a tighter body or a bigger salary. Refuse to be defined by it.
4. Recognize the things that make you special and unique.
We reduce our self-worth when we focus on some external thing that we don’t have. Instead, you should look for, and celebrate the stuff that makes you awesome.
What are your gifts and talents? What are those special abilities you have? What are the experiences you have gone through that made you better? Your brains? Your humour? Your creativity? Your intelligence? These are the things no one can take away from you.
Take your eyes off what they have that you don’t have and focus on you. In fact, do it now, Make a list today and start writing out 101 things that make you remarkable. If you can’t write out 10 at a go, then you know that you need to put a lot more effort into appreciating you.
Hint: Ask your closest friends and relatives to help you out. You’d be surprised at some of the things they’d mention.
In essence, your self-worth should depend on you – who you are as a person. Not anyone or anything else. You are incredibly awesome by yourself and you should celebrate that, every single day.
I hope this helps you.